So Today is Tuseday,
Wich means it is the day I have to go home... I have been staying with my aunt sence friday because my mom decided she didn't want any kids around. Wich is fine I don't care because it gets me away from all of her crap. The days went by to fast. I'm getting a little sick just knowing I go home in an hour and a half. As awful as it sounds I don't miss being home. I don't miss my brother or my parents. I only miss the pets.
Knowing I have to go back to that house where everything I do is wrong and not good enough, Where I get yelled at for no reason,Where I'm constantly alone,Where they constantly make me want to cut and have suicidle thoughts, makes me feel AWFUL. I don't want to go back there. I know I'm just going to end up hearing them fight and me being yelled at by my mother the moment I walk through the door. And I know I will be alone instantly.
I already know how my night may plan out. Once Blake finally calls for us to talk before we fall asleep I will be crying. Crying telling him yet again how much I hate being there and how awful everyone makes me feel... I fear I will get really suicidle tonight... I get like that alot because I live in that house... I tell myself not to so I don't hurt Blake. But with all the painful emotions I can't always stop feeling so suicidle and breaking down...
I fear once I get home and stupid stuff starts up I will feel like cutting....... It's been eight weeks and three days sence I last cut. <3... But I know when I get home the urge to cut will hit. And I will look for anything to hurt myself with. Trying to stop cutting is alot to go through. But when shit from home happens it adds up and everything it ten times worse. Then another ten times worse because I can't run to the comfort of my razor.
Lord Jesus help me get through this.
I do not want to go home... I do not want to go through so much shit I don't want to go back when I know I will just end up crying alone all night and all week.
This all just... Sucks...
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